A Leap of Faith
by southern cross
Summary: Post Series Finale. The first step off the edge is always scary but the sound of her laughter makes it worth while. Kessi fic.


I know I should be updating on 'Constant Horizon' but I have been alternately excited by where things were heading on the show and devastated by the fact that it isn't returning so I wrote this piece of Kyle therapy and I hope you all like it. I own nothing and mean no harm and please review!!!

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It was funny really, Amanda had been standing there talking to him, pouring out all of her feelings and telling him everything he had wanted to hear for weeks; and he wasn't paying attention.

The butterflies had vanished. The need, the ache, all of it was simply gone.

Alone as they were in his room, the door to the rest of the Trager house was closed; Nicole never batted an eye when Amanda was in the room. He had never wondered about that before, but he was wondering about it now. Why hadn't the same rules applied to Amanda as they had to her; to Jessie?

His eyes flicked guiltily back down to Amanda. He shouldn't be standing here thinking about Jessi, comparing the two, not when Amanda was trying so hard. She had taken both his hands in hers; he didn't recall her doing that, but the touch of her skin; usually so inviting was doing nothing for him.

And really wasn't that the problem?

They were here and the words were out there and the moment was right, but he just felt nothing.

No, not nothing, of course he felt something for her, she was Amanda; but the burn was gone. And he wasn't sure it had ever been there. And wasn't that the real kicker.

Butterflies or electricity, hadn't that been the choice? Only now the butterflies had vanished; gone back to wherever it was that butterflies went.

Still, it was hard to fight it, there was comfort in her smile, a familiarity in the way she tilted her head at him. He never noticed how much taller than she he was. It was strange to think that now, now when things were on a much more even keel; when all his secrets were out there between them.

The gulf that had separated them should have shrunk; it should have disappeared into nothing.

"Kyle?" she was looking at him again, staring up at him with hope and confidence, she was ever so confident that all would well between them; but she didn't see it, not like he could now.

The distance between them now was even further.

"Amanda," she smiled at him. Still hopeful, still confident, and it frustrated him. Her confidence that he would simply accept her might have been endearing at one time; this time it was grating.

He was annoyed with Amanda.

Nicole was right he was not the person who had first stumbled into their lives. That Kyle would never have been irritated with the smile beaming up at him, that Kyle would never have been thinking about someone else while looking down at _Amanda_.

This was Amanda, the Amanda, and he was wishing she was someone else.

Yes, he was a different person.

And he was OK with that.

"We need to talk," and there it was, the flicker in her eyes and her smile crumbled, his heart lurched. He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to hurt anyone but this was the moment, the one where he made a choice, because not choosing was hurting them all.

And he wanted Jessi.

Telling Amanda that single bit of information was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. Harder than walking away from the Tragers harder even than when he left her the first time because this time he knew it was for good. That no matter what happened with him and Jessi his time with Amanda was over.

There were tears and there was anger; that surprised him, but then Amanda wasn't the same person now that she had been before either.

And then it was over.

Alone in his room he stared at the spot where she had just stood. It was a strange feeling, a scary one; he knew that he had made the right decision but Amanda was all he had known, all he had wanted. And now she was gone and there were new things he was going to have to learn and know, he was starting a new chapter and the not knowing was scary.

Not being alone would make things easier, that was something his family had taught him. You could face anything if you were doing it with the people you loved and the people who loved you.

Half way to the door his feet tripped over themselves. Had he really thought that? Had he really considered that he counted Jessi as someone he loved. That she might love him in return. Of course he loved her, she was Jessi, a part of his life and he was committed to her as he was to everyone else close to him.

But this was different, this wasn't love, no, he was thinking about _love_, he could love Jessi.

He did love Jessi.

The surge of power started in his heart and expanded outwards rolling down his arms and out into the house. Lights flashed and sockets jolted.

He loved Jessi.

"Kyle," Stephen was in the door way, puzzled and concerned, "Are you OK?"

Not yet, "I love Jessi," but as soon as he told her he would be.

Stephen rocked back at the news, clearly unsettled by the sudden revelation and the beaming smile he knew he was giving him; and for that he was sorry but he was too excited not to share it.

"OK," there was nothing more Stephen could say, it was going to be hard, Jessi was still living here and Nicole had made it clear that she didn't want them together under the same roof, but he loved her and he couldn't stop that and more importantly he didn't want too.

"I know that it's going to be hard, and that there are rules in the house, and I don't want to disrespect your home," Stephen's face softened, "but as much as I love you all I have this love for Jessi inside too and I can't deny it."

He wouldn't deny it, not to her or the Tragers or anyone, not any more.

"Kyle," his breath caught, he knew the rebuke was coming; the speech full of warning and ultimatums, this was his reality.

Stephen paused, there was some struggle with the words that were coming and that was a surprise, in this area Stephen and Nicole had never wavered and had always presented a united front.

"It might be difficult, but we will work something out."

Shocked didn't even begin to describe what he felt, "I don't understand."

His confusion didn't stop his gratitude, he strode across the small distance that separated them and embraced the man whom he loved as a father.

"I'll talk to Nicole," if possible Stephen squeezed him harder, "with everything we have all been through a little more love is what we need."

Thank you hardly seemed like the right words for something so monumental; but he gave them anyway.

"Yeah, yeah, now go find her and make this right," everyone had heard their blow up, had cringed at her accusations over his concern for Amanda and admittedly he got defensive as he always seemed to when Amanda was mentioned and maybe he hadn't left things all that nicely between them.

"Thank you," he dashed out of his room without waiting for a reply.

He didn't know where Jessi had gone after their blow up. Not one to be discouraged he dashed up the stairs two at a time and into Lori's bedroom. Ignoring her startled yelp he grabbed her phone off the desk and whipped off a text to Jessi asking her if she was near any shops that sold guitar string.

"Can I ask what you are doing?" eyes never lifting from the small screen, he frowned down willing the 'new message' alert to go off.

"I'm buying you guitar strings."

No sooner had Lori begun to grumble about insane brothers did a message appear.

"Am at school. Will p/u on way home."

Grinning he replied with a quick thanks and added the measurements, just in case, and tossed the phone back to Lori, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," but he was already down the stairs and heading out the door.

So Jessi had headed back to school, no doubt on the roof, considering how many times she could make the jump down than up before getting caught. It was a special place for them. It was where he had first realized that she was someone he could worry over and later where he came to realize that she was someone he could truly count on.

The memories pushed his steps faster. The light of day was keeping him from moving any faster. Using skills out of doors was not smart and he had not thought to borrow a car. He would need one, a car; he had the money for one. Adam had left him a big bulk of his estate. One of the many things Foss had revealed that late night.

He hadn't thought of the money very much since then, but he would access the accounts soon, set up trusts for Lori and Josh and well everyone. But he would buy a car first. Alone time with Jessi would be easier that way.

Grinning he turned right and headed up the block, the first glimpse of the school came into view and he broke into a run.

He considered the possibility that she might run. He also considered that he had a lock on her heart beat now and would follow her.

But she hadn't moved, not yet, and he took a quick look around before scaling the side of the wall.

"I thought you said we had to be more careful."

There was ice in her words, the scratchiness was back, she was hurting and it was his fault. Gritting his teeth he let her animosity roll off of him, he deserved it, he had been one of those guys, one who wavered between two girls selfishly and she was suffering for it.

"I'll be more careful next time."

She was sitting on the roof, legs pulled up tight to her chest, her chin resting on her knees; it would be uncomfortable for anyone else, he knew, but the position was comforting to him and so it would be to her as well.

"Jessi," her back stiffened and he wished she would turn around, would face him, but again he was being selfish. This was about her now, not him, he had had his time and now he had to give it back to her.

And now that he was here and she was there and Amanda was not he had no idea what to say. It was all there, on the tip of his tongue, swelling out of his heart, but the execution had escaped him.

"You know I'm fine," she still hadn't turned and his mouth opened and closed, confused, "really, you don't need to worry."

The earlier animosity was gone; she had cleared her throat and was speaking clearly, only she wasn't.

"I'm not going to do anything crazy or stupid," he had not considered either possibility; he opened his mouth to tell her that, but she interrupted him again.

"You didn't have to come, I'm sure there are other places you want to be."

The bitterness in her voice jolted him.

"Jessi-"

"Kyle, please," and this time she turned her head and looked over her shoulder at him, "I'm fine, I just want to be alone."

Alone, she wanted to be alone, she didn't want him there. The breath left him in a rush, the sun was beating down on them, the heat soaking into the roof was suddenly overwhelming him; she wanted him gone.

"You've seen me I'm fine so you can go back to Amanda."

A light flicked on.

"Jessi," exasperated and relieved he moved towards her, ignoring her gasp when he dropped to his knees behind her catching her shoulders before she could scramble away. He held her close, much like he had that awful night when she lost Sarah.

"Jessi," she struggled in his arms, but he held firm, his knees gripped her waist until she finally stopped squirming.

There were many different ways he could say what was on his heart and his mind, but experience had taught him that the direct approach was what would work best with Jessi.

"I'm not going back to Amanda," her heart beats tripled even as every muscle froze, "not today, not ever."

It felt so right saying it out loud. Confident, pleased that the words were coming, he took a chance, pressing a kiss to her temple, her gasp of surprise made him smile.

"Jessi I am right where I want to be."

With wide eyes she looked at him, really looked at him, and he smiled back at her. Her mouth formed an 'O' of surprise and the rush of electricity between them as he focused in on her lips startled them both; taking advantage of the moment, and that was certainly not something the old Kyle would have done, he pressed his lips to hers.

The taste of her surprise was delicious. With no impending interruptions he took his time, his fingers traced over her cheeks, as her greedy fingers dug into his hair.

She burned him from inside and he was struggling to keep up; to stay in control.

Maybe she could tell, she was always more in tune with him than he had been with her, and that would have to change; but she pulled back first. Deep breaths cleared his head and he fought to contain the power that was ebbing out between them.

Jessi laced her fingers with his and together they reigned in the last of the spill.

"I guess next time we have to be more careful." He spoke the words sincerely, not necessarily thinking of their significance.

"Next time," Jessi was looking back up at him; there were tears in her eyes, real tears that were there because of him. His heart squeezed painfully in his chest. He had messed up, had again not been clear about things; it was something he was really going to have to work on.

"Yes, next time," he kissed her forehead, "and the time after that," he kissed the tip of her nose and cupped her face in his palm, "I want to be with you Jessi; just you."

The words settled he could see her processing them; he studied her, memorizing every detail.

"Are you sure Kyle?"

Patience was a trait that the old Kyle had not been well versed in, but he was.

"I am one hundred percent sure."

This time she kissed him and he rocked back from the force of it. He liked kissing her, liked being kissed by her and he whispered that into her ear as he kissed the soft skin behind it. She groaned and he discovered that he liked that; he liked that a lot.

"God, Kyle I always hoped, but I never thought-"

"I know Jessi, I know," and he did.

"It's going to be hard," she was ever the realist.

"Yes, but it's going to be worth it."

This was it the time had come, "it's going to be worth it because I love you Jessi."

And this time she did cry, loud and fiercely, and he held her close, would have been worried if he hadn't felt her kisses press against his neck. So he rocked her tightly, whispering whatever came to mind.

"You know I love you right? I mean everyone knows by now and I'm pretty sure you did too, but just in case you know I want you to know it too," she was rambling and it was adorable.

He nodded, "It's always good to hear and I want to hear it and I want to say it, all the time."

She laughed a warm rumble against his chest, "I'm pretty sure I can deal with that."

The sun was unforgiving by this point, their time on the roof had come to an end, and they both stood slowly. With limbs readjusted he looked over at her, she was staring at him, looking at him like she had never really looked at him before.

"What?" he stepped closer, taking both her hands in his, and there was a charge between them instantly.

"It's just," she swallowed, her eyes closing briefly, "everything. It's everything."

Together they moved to the edge of the roof, her left hand was tight in his right.

"You know we have to go buy Lori some guitar strings now," her eyes lit up in recognition.

"That was you?"

"Yeah," he shrugged, "I wanted to find you fast and that was the first thing that came to mind."

"Wow."

It was all pretty wow.

They stood on the ledge, ready to take the leap, and he thought it fitting that they were there together and having to take the jump together because what they were facing was going to be rough and maybe a little scary, but it was going to be worth all the risk.

He squeezed her hand, a thought occurring to him a second before they stepped off.

"You know I want to buy a car."

Her laugh followed him as they leapt to the ground and he liked it; he liked it a lot.


End file.
